keep the streak going

It's a really beautiful day today. One of those days that make you happy to be alive.

Today, however, I am especially happy at how far I've made it in life. I haven't lost any limbs. I haven't killed anyone. I'm not in prison. I'm not addicted to any hardcore drugs. I don't have any fatal diseases or crippling disorders. I don't have anyone trying to kill me and I'm not in debt. I'm not obese or fat. I have a beautiful girlfriend and I have friends. My family is alive and well and I have a job. I'm not homeless. I have dreams. I have goals...

I think I'm going to try to keep this streak alive.

(hate) poem

have you ever lived to die?
...and watched the pain build up inside?

but did it ever seem to matter,
that all your broken dreams are shattered

why did you accept your fate?
are you blind?
can you hate?

what is hate?
is it real?
can it breathe?
can it feel?

in my head
hate is alive.
hate will live
and hate will die.

ninja turtles

i befriended nick sparks back in the 3rd grade. we used to hangout all the time. i used to go to his house and we'd play with ninja turtles. and he was really good at drawing. he was probably the best drawer in our class. he liked drawing ninja turtles. he was like a ninja turtle whore.
-and then one day i ditched him. started hanging out with the wrong crowd. and then i became the wrong crowd. (its funny how things line up like that.) now i guess you could say i have two best friends. two best friends i dont talk to anymore. (so i guess i have zero best friends.)
-neal is in prison. he's an alcoholic. he had a pretty long record of various misdemeanors mixed in with a couple of felonies and then they eventually just gave his ass 5 years. i think the last little goof up, he beat up his girlfriend... (i can't imagine him doing that. what a fucking animal.)
-tommy. i think he has 3 kids now. i haven't talked to him for about 3 years. (what a friend i am.) he's been goin with the same girl for about 10-11 years now. she's nice. small town girl. i used to have dreams about her. tabby. while i was friends with tommy i can honestly say, that was the worst part of my life. i was trying to destroy myself. literally, i was killing myself. i'm pretty sure i almost ended up sitting next to neal. i was so fucking paranoid i thought helecopters were following me. and till this day i'm pretty sure they were. (what a life that was.)

don't go

pleasepl

easeplea

sedontgo

pleasepl

easeplea

sedontgo

i feel very stupid right now. everyone around me is happy and i'm not. this is a happy place, and i and the person i am w/are not happy. why do we deserve to be unhappy and everyone around us gets to laugh and be happy. i am very unhappy with the world right now.